perhaps it all started the day i and j decided to go on separate ways.. or should i say, landed on separate ways.. oh well, so much for that.. that's not really the topic.. haha.. it's been a while since i last posted in this blog.. and now i'm here.. to keep my blog alive.. and to keep my life's journal updated..
i've always wanted to write.. thing is, i really don't have that much time.. what is spared for me, most of the time i spend sleeping.. because aside from working during the night, i also spent a big portion of my time going to practically everywhere with my friends.. eating, drinking, and whatsoever we might think of.. also, i barely have that much inspiration.. oh well, by inspiration i refer to the self-driven one.. not the usual mushy inspiration that other people might know..
ok then.. time for my story..
lately, i've been into this not-so-nice adventure.. haha.. oh well, for my almost 5 months of being single, i've managed to divert my attention to something different.. perhaps to heal the pain that the previous relationship had etched on my not-so-strong heart..
with no intention to invest too much emotions, i've met a lot along the way (know what i'm saying?).. but really, none of them have captured that much of my interest.. not even the fleshy type..
m - he was the first guy i met at work.. honestly i had a slight interest with him.. physically, he was my type of guy - chubby, the best guy to sleep with during the cold nights -- tried, tested and proven.. haha.. .. but it was a bit late when i realized that he was up for naughty adventures ONLY.. and yes, i had some with him.. but that was it.. that was JUST it..
m2 - m2 is a bit different.. he was the sweet and mushy type of guy.. he always has cheesy lines every so often.. but i never really liked him.. we're still seeing each other until now.. chatting, texting and all sorts of communication.. but then again, no special emotions or whatsoever..
n - he used to be my student in one of the classes i handled when i was still in the academe.. well, if there is someone i like to be with.. it's probably him.. thing is, we never really managed to make it to a higher level.. perhaps because of the physical distance that keeps us apart.. i want to keep him.. but i don't think there can be the "us" anytime soon.. i cannot really blame him..
r - the fast and the furious.. he said "i love you" during our first date.. haha.. hell, he didn't even know me that much.. so there.. so much for him.. i never really wanted a roller coaster ride.. i want it slow, careful and serious..
h -- he was with me prior to j.. he once asked me out for coffee.. it was sometime in september.. as for him, fourteen months after we've last seen each other.. perhaps fourteen months after we officially ended.. what was planned to be just coffee went to something more (ok, wholesome mode..) "pahiram naman ako sayo for another hour".. he said.. then i said yes.. haha.. it's really hard for me to say no.. maybe i wanted to be with him a little longer too, that's why i hastily agreed with him.. and what was planned to be just an hour of extension became two.. three.. four.. and for all we knew..sun was about to set then.. and yes, he still has this spark.. he was still the one i once fell in love with.. darn..
i'm not perfect.. not even a bit.. i've got all the flaws in every detail of my physical and emotional being.. but thing is, i don't really tend to like someone for a long time.. these persons were more or less what i am looking for.. i just don't know why i suddenly lost my interest after having known them in their deeper sides... or maybe i haven't found yet the next person that i would want to be with.. if not for the rest of my existence, at least for a long while..
i know.. it will take a while to heal a heartache.. as i've mentioned in one of my posts in facebook -- we cannot really change what happened.. but at least we can always forget it.. time and again, with one heartache after another, i have already mastered the art of forgetting -- selective amnesia, as some refer to.. and more often than not, it's not the heartache that i forget, but the entire person.. perhaps the entire story that i have created with that person..
probably it'll take me a while too before i find the perfect one.. i'm not in a hurry though... not even searching, but i don't even close my door for the possibilities out there.. for i believe that the best things [people] are not found, but built.. we always prefer the ready-to-wear clothes.. but barely did we know that the best and the toughest ones are those that are extensively built by our dressmakers -- more often than not, they are unique and specially designed to meet our standards.. the perfect ones might even be around, coexisting with us.. just waiting for the right time and the right place..
