stay close

i have nothing in mind...
but this song...
let it speak for me this time...



Stay Close, Don't Go
Secondhand Serenade

I’m staring at the glass in front of me,
is it half empty of our wins or have i ruined all you’ve given me?
I know I’ve been selfish,
I know I’ve been foolish,
but look through that
and you will see,
I’ll do better, I know,
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I’ll wake up alone,
don’t tell me I will make it on my own,
don’t leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

Sometimes I stare at you while you are sleeping,
I listen to your breathing,
amazed how I somehow managed to
sweep you off your feet girl,
your perfect little feet girl
I took for granted what you do.
But I’ll do better, I know
Baby, I can do better.

If you leave me tonight, I’ll wake up alone,
don’t tell me I will make it on my own,
don’t leave me tonight,
this heart of stone will sing till it dies
if you leave me tonight.

And don’t you know my heart is open, oh,
it’s putting up the fight,
and I’ve got this feeling,
that everything’s alright,
and don’t you see,
I’m not the only one for you
but you’re the only one for me.

If you leave me tonight I’ll wake up alone,

discovering wonderland

it was a cold dawn
the rain was falling hard
after a million smoke
after his victory over me in that card game
after the deal we had

he tried to catch me
i gradually fell in his trap
i was his slave on one moment
on the other, he let me feel that i was the master

there was a union of two souls craving for eternal heaven

halfway into wonderland,

and the breeze turned to blaze of fire
i did not know how to get there
but he showed me the way
he never let me lose

it was my first visit to wonderland
such a romantic torture on my innocence
my soft heart was overwhelmed with passion
with his arms around my delicate soul
an intimate moment i never wanted to end

he asked me to join him in his next trip
i promised to

but i don't know if there was a promise of commitment

salamat tol...

masyado ka pang bata. masyadong mahaba ang buhay para magmadali ka. kahit anong mangyari bukas, ang mahalaga, naeenjoy mo ang ngayon. madami pang pwedeng mangyari sa yo. basta hanapin mo ang sarili mo. wag kang matakot sa katotohanan. at wag kang matakot sa mga pwede pang mangyari. kelangan mo lang tanggapin kung ano ka talaga. ngayon ang tamang panahon para gawin mo yan, bago pa mahuli ang lahat.

yan ang sabi sa akin ng isang kaibigan. siguro nga, madami pa lang akong hindi naiintindihan sa kung ano ba talaga ako. madaming tanong. at siguro, takot din ako sa mga posibleng mangyari sa akin.
pero ngayon, pipilitin kong labanan ang takot. pipiliting tanggapin ang totoo kong pagkatao. ngayon, may isang tao na na alam kong mauunawaan ako, isang taong alam ko at sigurado ako na nasa kapareho kong mundo. salamat tol...

why so soon, mom?

somewhere in the night
there were two lonely hearts
gazing at the sunbeam
that vanished gently with the breeze

the color of your face
faded like the morning light
when darkness prevailed
in the cold freezing air

i thought you'd stay forever
but you suddenly said goodbye
amidst the moonlight and twinkling stars
this harsh life drawn you to your demise

(image taken from: http://images.search.yahoo.com)

dota boy

i had a great monday and tuesday because of dota boy. he is one of the few good college friends that i have. and yes, he is among the best ones.

we were from different course. we only became classmates on one of our general subjects. we knew each other since freshmen days because we stayed at the same dormitory back then. but we never had chances to get along with each other. he told me that i look snobbish and intimidating that's why he never talked to me even if he wanted to. we only became friends when we became classmates. during the first day of our class, i came in late (as always). i looked around the auditorium for some familiar faces. i found him and asked if i could sit beside him. he smiled and said yes. from then on, we became good friends. i had a great semester with dota boy. with all our gimiks and our trippings, he made me smile for a million times.

a week before vacation, i received a call from him informing that he would transfer to another campus of our school. i felt sad. but he promised that we are still going to see each other once in a while. and yes, we did not lose communication. we text and call each other - and that’s the best thing i like about him, he never forgets me.

this monday, we finally saw each other again. it has been almost a year since we last saw each other.

there are so much changes with him. except from the fact that he is still addicted to dota, more addicted in fact.

we decided to meet somewhere in makati. we had our lunch there. i told him that i would take charge of our bill but he insisted to pay.

after a while, he asked me where i want to go. i said watching movie would be fine.and he agreed.

our initial plan was to watch a horror movie, but when we arrived at the cinema, we found out that the screening of the movie we wanted to watch had just started twenty minutes ago and the next screening would be two hours later. we could not catch up if we go for the current screening, but too long to wait for the next one. so we decided to just roam around the mall instead.

he asked me if we could stay for a while at the computer shop where he plays dota. i did not want to go to that place since i do not know how to play dota. i told him that i would just stay in a nearby coffee shop and wait until he's done with his game. but he did not want me to leave. he asked me to stay with him while he was playing. so i did. yeah, at times, i can never really say no. he said he would teach me but i refused. i just told him that playing that game wasn't simply my interest. so i decided to just visit my favorite blogs while he was playing dota. yeah, among the crowd of people playing dota, i was the only one blogging...:) as in OP talaga ako...

after an hour, he got finished with his game. we had dinner in a nearby restaurant before we finally said our goodbyes.

he asked me if i could stay in his dormitory that night. i actually wanted to, but i already promised my cousin that i would sleep in her place that time. we finally said our goodbyes. he walked home while i rode on a cab to my cousin's house. i saw a bit of sadness in his face. i knew i disappointed him for not having spent the night with him. i knew we will not be seeing each other for a long while again. but i made a promise to my cousin. and as much as i can, i never want to break promises.

so i decided to call him and set up for another gimik the following day.

and yes, i had a great tuesday as well.

i gave him a call early in the morning to tell him to play as much as he wants while i am not yet there. and to stop his game the moment i arrive... :) it was around 1 pm when i arrived at our meeting place. while he was there since morning playing dota.

we went to a mall to have some snack. i told him i like japanese food (i knew since we have become friends that he doesn't like that kind of food). i asked him if he wanted to try. after about half-hour of thinking, he finally agreed.

we went to a park. we sat on the stairs, lit cigarette and watched people passing by. time stopped for both of us. i was starting to feel sad because the sun was about to set - which reminded me that in any moment, i would have to leave. i could not stay with him for that night because i have a seven o'clock class the following day. so i had to be back to LB.

there was a moment of silence. until he looked straight into my eyes and asked when is the next time we are gonna see each other again. i smiled just not to make him feel sad. i said i would be back whenever i find a free time. i asked him to come with me to LB but he had yet to fix some school stuff. i saw in him an image of a young boy who lost his favorite power ranger toy that time.

our last spot was the tokneneng stall near his dormitory. i was a bit hesitant to eat tokneneng at first because of the thought that it might be dirty. but he wanted me to try. so what else am i gonna do but to say yes. :) that was my first time to eat tokneneng in a street stall. i enjoyed that moment. and yes, among all the foods that we ate for the whole two days, that tokneneng was simply the best.

we parted ways after some stick of cigarette. i was a bit sad but i tried not to make him notice.

there are so many things that dota boy and i are unlike. but for some reasons, we became good friends. i do not feel anything for him but friendship. i do not know if a beautiful story awaits for the two of us. but for me, as of now, he is just a good friend...and i thank him for being such.

salamat sa ulan

Alas sais pa lang pero madilim na ang kalangitan nung hapon na yon...kagaya ng dati, magkasabay tayong umuwi sa dorm pagkatapos ng huli nating klase...nasa may park na tayo malapit sa dorm ng tuluyan nang bumuhos ang malakas na ulan...may suot akong makapal na jacket dahil malamig noon… hinubad ko ang jacket ko para gawin nating pandong sa ulan...kung bakit kasi noon pa natin sabay na naiwanan ang mga payong natin...
lumakas pa ang ulan hanggang sa mabasa na din ang jacket ko na syang nagbigkis sa ating dalawa sa ilalim ng mlakas na ulan
inalis ko na ang jacket dahil basang-basa na din naman tayo...basa na din ang libro at workbook natin sa statistics...
sinabi ko sa iyo na bilisan natin...pero bigla kang tumigil…

dito muna tayo...nakangiti ka ng sabihin mo un

gagu! Anung gagawin natin dito? Kita mo nang ang lakas ng ulan eh...

Wala, basta dito lang tayo…upo tayo sa bench tara!

hinawakan mo ng mahigpit ang kamay ko at hinila ako papunta sa isang bench para umupo.

Yon ang palagi nating ginagawa tuwing matatapos ang klase, ang umupo sa bench, sa ilalim ng papalubog na araw habang pinagmamasdan ang bawat pangyayaring nagaganap sa paligid, habang kumakain tayo ng paborito nating California Maki…pero hindi sa ganong pagkakataon...hindi sa ilalim ng malakas na ulan...sa ganoong mga oras kasi, madalas nasa loob lang tayo ng dorm habang nanonood ng paborito nating horror movies…

Eh gusto mo lang palang magpahinga, di dapat bumalik na lang tayo sa dorm...buti doon pwede ka pang matulog...hindi pa tayo mababasa

parang wala kang nadinig sa mga sinabi ko...nakatulala ka at parang ang lalim ng iniisip mo...sanay naman ako na seryoso ka at nag-iisip ng malalim pero nung oras na yon, parang may iba sa yo...

uy, ok ka lang? Wag mo isipin yun, mahal ka nun... biniro kita

tumingin ka sa akin na para bang may kung ano sa mukha ko

uy!

hindi ka pa din umiimik...
hanggang sa bigla mong hinawakan ang kamay ko at sinabing...

I love you...alam mo yon diba? alam mo yon, matagal na...

nagulat ako at nanibago sa mga nadinig ko...pinilit isipin na nagbibiro ka lang...hidi ko inakalang sa ganoong pagkakataon at sa lugar na yon ko madidinig mula sa iyo ang mga salitang yon...

ha? nice joke..kaya ikaw ang best friend ko eh, ang galing mo magpatawa

yun lang ang nasabi ko...wala kang reaksyon, patuloy ka lang tumitig sa mga mata ko

seryoso ako...matagal na akong naghihintay sa iyo, alam kong mahal mo din ako, nararamdaman ko yon...hindi mo lang sinasabi...

pinilit kong ipapaniwala sa sarili ko na nagbibiro ka lang
pero mukha ka ngang seryoso, nun ko din lang nakita sa iyo ang ganong emosyon...hindi ko alam ang sasabihin ko, marahil ay hindi ako handa sa mga nadinig ko...hindi sa panahon na yon, hindi sa ganong pagkakataon...
unti-unti kong naramdaman na tumutulo ang luha mula sa aking mga mata... mabilis akong lumapit sa iyo at niyakap ka ng mahigpit...

mahal din kita, mahal na mahal...matagal ko na tong gustong sabihin sa yo...pero hindi ako nagkaroon ng lakas ng loob...baka kasi magalit ka, baka lumayo ka pag sinabi ko...

sinuklian mo ako ng mas mahigpit pang yakap...
kasabay ng malakas na ulan ay ang pagdalas ng tulo ng luha mula sa aking mga mata...
umiiyak ako sa mga sandaling yon dahil sa sobrang kaligayahan...umiiyak ako dahil ang mga salitang hindi ko inasahang madinig mula sa yo ay buong puso mong binigkas sa akin...sa lugar kung saan nag-umpisa ang pagkakaibigan natin...sa isang bench sa ilalim ng isang malaking puno...habang bumubuhos ang malakas na ulan

minahal nga kita ng lubos-lubos, pero hindi ko naman inasahang ibalik mo sa akin ang pagmamahal ko...napakasaya ko…

muli kang nagsalita

kung bibigyan mo ako ng pagkakataon, ipapakita ko sayo ang totoong meaning ng salitang forever…

Matagal nang ikaw ang forever ko...

Pareho tayo ng pananaw pagdating sa pag-ibig, parehong anti-romantic ang pananaw natin…alam din natin pareho na ni isa man sa atin ay hindi naniniwala sa konseptong "forever"…pareho tayong realistic pagdating sa ganong mga bagay…pero ng mga sandaling yon, parang pareho tayong naglaho mula sa realidad at napunta sa isang fairy tale…

ngayon, masaya na talaga ako, nangyari na ang inaakala kong sa panaginip ko lamang masasaksihan...
nag-umpisa ang walang-hanggan kong kaligyahan sa ilalim ng ulan...
salamat sa ulan...



ilang sandali pa…
nagising ako mula sa isang panaginip...hinanap kita pero hindi na kita natagpuan...
nagising akong katabi na lamang ang unan na regalo mo sa akin nung nakaraang birthday ko…
nandon pa din ang malakas na ulan...pero tanging ulan na lamang...

pero salamat pa rin sa ulan...kahit sa panaginip ay pinasaya ako ng ulan...

at sa muli kong pagtulog, kasabay ng kanta na to, sana nandon ulit ang ulan…




see you soon best friend…



(to be continued)