somewhere out there...

undo

just got a nice thought here..

kanina, habang gumagawa kami ng powerpoint presentation ng research namin, bigla ko na lang nasabi sa mga groupmates ko,

walang control Z sa buhay, sa computer lang yun..

out of nowhere.. haha

joke as it may seem..

pero minsan, sa mga simpleng salitang binibitiwan natin, dun lumalabas ang mag bagay na sadyang hindi natin kayang sabihin

play of words.. outlet of hidden emotions

a special gift for your birthday

I really wish we could be perfect. I really wish that someday, somewhere, you find completeness with me – in spite of and despite of the world that goes around us. Amidst the chill of the morning that completely wipes away the fragile beams of the rising sun, I want to wake up with your arms wrapped around me and your soft lips against mine. Whereby no means of doing so is absolutely possible, I want to take you as my own – my man, my friend and my companion through all these endeavors I face.

You are my dream coming into life, my knight in this battlefield, my king to be served and pampered, my angel to guide me through the darkness of my fate. Notwithstanding the pains it may cause me, I will still hold on until we reach the end of forever. Perhaps, we have already started building our future, we have already established a life that has to be nourished with profound love.

Together we will cross the boarders of eternity. Until forever and ever has vanished, my love for you will be perpetual.

We may never deny that it has been a roller coaster ride for the two of us. Nonetheless, it was the best roller coaster ride that I ever had in the entirety of my existence. Of course, I’ve got the best person to ride with. And even if we are drifting into a thousand and one loops of the track, I am still hoping that we hold on – as tight as we can. Everything is meant to end, my dear – and so do the loops that we are experiencing. Until then, I wish you are still the one I am riding with.

I will forever and ever go back to this ride, to the loops and to the earthly heavens. I will do whatever it takes just to be with that single thing that puts me in a blissful realm. Should the two of us be permitted to live a second life in this world, I will still search for you. You know I will. I will still opt to ride with you in that same old roller coaster – experience occasional fight, and live with each other’s unconditional love.

Just hold my hand tight, and I promise that we won’t fall. Just hold on tight, for I may not be strong enough to catch you. Sure enough, you are aware of my weaknesses – and so am I on yours.

once again..

para kay B-)

medyo matagal na din ang pinagsamahan natin.. madami na din tayong lugar na napuntahan ng magkasama.. maraming beses mo na din akong pinagalitan at sinungitan.. halos bawat gabi din tayong magkatabi sa pagtulog at magkayakap hanggang umaga.. haha.. napaiyak mo na nga ako isang beses eh.. ang galing mo talaga..

pero alam mo, sa lahat ng yon, pinakagusto ko yung inaalagaan at inaasikaso mo ko.. yung pinatatawa, pinapangiti pag badtrip.. at ang smiley na naging simbolo nating dalawa :-) B-)

sabi ko sa iyo dati, ayokong magmahal kasi masaya naman ko sa buhay ko at.. hindi totoo yun, gusto kong magmahal pero natatakot akong masaktan, natatakot akong mapagastos ng malaki dahil sa tuwing masama ang loob ko eh kung anu-anong binibili ko.. ayokong masaktan kasi wala namang magcocomfort sakin.. mahirap kaya umiyak ng mag-isa.. hindi naman kasi lahat ng tao eh maiintindihan ang sitwasyon ko..

pero sa kabila ng lahat ng takot at alinlangan, pinili ko pa din na mahalin ka.. eh ano pa nga ba ang magagawa ko eh nandun na tayo.. wala nang atrasan.. sabi mo nga, nahulog na ako sa bitag mo.. haha..

at eto na nga, sumugal na ako sa kinatatakutan kong pag-ibig.. totoong walang kasiguraduhan ang ating buhay sa mundo.. hindi natin alam kung anong magyayari bukas.. sa isang bukas.. at sa mga darating pa na bukas.. at sana, sa mga yon, kasama pa rin kita..

natutunan kitang mahalin sa paglipas ng mga araw.. natutunang pahalagahan, at gawing parte ng akig buhay, ng aking mga pangarap.. at ng aking bukas.. naging bahagi ka na nga ng buo kong sistema – sa pagkain, pagtulog, pagpasok sa eskwela.. kahit saan, kahit ano..

malayo na nga ang narating natin, pero sadyang malayo pa ang bawat landas na ating tatahakin.. at kung sa dulo non ay ikaw pa rin ang aking kasama, magiging lubos akong masaya.. kung matupad ang pangako natin sa isa’t-isa na magkasama nating bubuuin bawat piraso ng ating mga pangarap, tunay sa akong magiging maligaya..

pero sabi ko nga, sa ating kwento, hindi lang naman ako at ikaw ang tauhan.. kundi ikaw, ako at sila.. may tiwala ako sa ‘yo, pero sa mga tao sa paligid natin, wala.. maraming pwedeng sumira ng ating nasimulang istorya.. at kung mangyari man yon, patuloy akong aasa na kaya mo pa rin akong ipaglaban.. sumugal na tayo sa isa’t-isa, kaya sana, panghawakan natin ang ating mga pangako..

pasensya ka na sa mga kakulitan ko, mga kalokohan, sa pagigigng sensitive, clumsy, carefree, tamad at antukin ko.. alam mo, naiinis ako sa ‘yo minsan kasi ang sungit sungit mo.. pero kahit ganon, iniintindi pa rin kita..

siguro nga hindi na tayo katulad nung dati.. hindi ka na kasing sweet noong mga unang araw pa lang natin.. tanga ako kung sasabihin ko na hindi ko na hinahanap yung ganon.. oo, namimiss ko na yung nakaraan, yung dating ikaw.. yung dating tayo.. namimiss ko yung mga paglalambing na ginagawa mo sa akin dati..

pero kahit ano man ang magbago sa ating dalawa, patuloy pa din kitang mamahalin, patuloy kitang yayakapin sa pagtulog, lalagyan ng toner at moisturizer sa gabi, ipagluluto, at aasikasuhin.. patuloiy kitang mamahalin.. kagaya ng dati..

ngayon, parte ka na ng blog ko.. parte ka na ng buhay ko.. hindi man tayo tanggap ng iba, asahan mo na sa bawat oras ay ipaglalaban kita.. sa bawat minuto ay iintindihin.. at sa bawat segundo ay mamahalin kita sa abot ng aking makakaya.. hinding hindi kita iiwan.. mahal kita.. alam mo yan..

has forever started?

is it always true that the best is yet to come?
what if the best had just come? what if you were just too busy minding other things that you didn't notice it was actually there, waiting to be seen and waiting to be embraced?
it vanished swiftly for you failed to take care of it..
then all of a sudden, you will find yourself spending your whole lifetime waiting for that best that you once ignored and let go...
hopeful as you are, you will still hold on to that belief that your fate is about to give you something more in time..

then a question suddenly popped out of the cold night: when will you know that what you have is already the best?
simple answer: just believe in it.. just keep on your mind that what you've got for the moment is already the best..
it may not be the best forever..
but best for the moment..
best, nonetheless..

hold it tight while it lasts, embrace it and take care of it...
nothing lasts forever, dear..
the best is nothing but transitory..
it is meant to end..
to give way to another one..
for tomorrow may not see us still in each other's arms..
but at least we had and gave our best for that one selfish moment..
so there, you are my best..
i am yours...
we may not be each other's best forever..
but best for the moment...
best, nonetheless..

i might want to be with you until that forever has ended..
but it still depends on the road that lies ahead of us..
for it's not only you and me..
but you, me and them..

the man in a maze

i fell asleep late last night because of the sweet poison i got from my deadly sticks.. my dream brought me inside a life-size maze.. and inside that maze was an overwhelming darkness.. i got afraid for i might not get out.. i looked for someone who would help me to escape from the fate i encountered.. i was afraid, and yet i had to move.. i did not know where to start.. neither did i know which direction should i venture.. i finally chose to move forward..

then i found this guy.. he looked so familiar yet so strange.. he seemed lost.. i attempted to call him but i did not know his name.. i walked towards him.. he noticed me and posted a tiny smile..

he looked fine.. but the instinct in me was saying that he is not.. i somehow knew that deep within his smile was a feeling of sadness, of loneliness.. that he was trapped in the vastness of an empty space.. he was lost indeed..

"help me find the way out, please," he told me with his soft voice and teary eyes.. and then he cried.. he was like a child forfeited of his favorite toy, an infant lost in a vacuum of his weakness.. i knew he wanted someone to talk to.. i knew he wanted a shoulder to cry on.. i knew he wanted to understand and to be understood.. i knew he needed a hero.. and i decided to be that hero.. i tapped him in his shoulder and told him i was listening.. he was seeking for answers to his endless questions.. he was craving for someone who would stay next to him against time, against distance and even against his own fate.. i was afraid i could just stay with him while i was in my dream.. i was afraid i had to leave him.. he was lost indeed.

i stayed with him in that solitary moment.. i wanted time to stop so that i could stay with him a little longer.. we tried to conquer the darkness and escape in that maze.. i tried to help him find his way out.. i wanted to ease his pain and see his bright face even before i leave.. but he was trapped in that maze.. and it seemed that there was no way out.. he couldn't move for he did not know where to go.. he was lost indeed..

until i heard the sound of time calling my name.. it was my alarm clock ringing for already half an hour.. i realized that in any moment i would have to leave him in that maze.. i wanted him to come with me but he couldn't.. i left him alone.. if only i could stay.. if only i could guide him.. he was lost indeed..

deep inside, i knew he was not a stranger.. but never did i know him then.. i finally woke up.. i grabbed my cellphone to check for messages.. then i found the same guy on my wallpaper.. it was exactly him.. i paused for a while, i stared at his image on my phone..

then i realized that the man on my dream was no one but me..

i was lost indeed..

on seduction

true true... :)