has forever started?

is it always true that the best is yet to come?
what if the best had just come? what if you were just too busy minding other things that you didn't notice it was actually there, waiting to be seen and waiting to be embraced?
it vanished swiftly for you failed to take care of it..
then all of a sudden, you will find yourself spending your whole lifetime waiting for that best that you once ignored and let go...
hopeful as you are, you will still hold on to that belief that your fate is about to give you something more in time..

then a question suddenly popped out of the cold night: when will you know that what you have is already the best?
simple answer: just believe in it.. just keep on your mind that what you've got for the moment is already the best..
it may not be the best forever..
but best for the moment..
best, nonetheless..

hold it tight while it lasts, embrace it and take care of it...
nothing lasts forever, dear..
the best is nothing but transitory..
it is meant to end..
to give way to another one..
for tomorrow may not see us still in each other's arms..
but at least we had and gave our best for that one selfish moment..
so there, you are my best..
i am yours...
we may not be each other's best forever..
but best for the moment...
best, nonetheless..

i might want to be with you until that forever has ended..
but it still depends on the road that lies ahead of us..
for it's not only you and me..
but you, me and them..

the man in a maze

i fell asleep late last night because of the sweet poison i got from my deadly sticks.. my dream brought me inside a life-size maze.. and inside that maze was an overwhelming darkness.. i got afraid for i might not get out.. i looked for someone who would help me to escape from the fate i encountered.. i was afraid, and yet i had to move.. i did not know where to start.. neither did i know which direction should i venture.. i finally chose to move forward..

then i found this guy.. he looked so familiar yet so strange.. he seemed lost.. i attempted to call him but i did not know his name.. i walked towards him.. he noticed me and posted a tiny smile..

he looked fine.. but the instinct in me was saying that he is not.. i somehow knew that deep within his smile was a feeling of sadness, of loneliness.. that he was trapped in the vastness of an empty space.. he was lost indeed..

"help me find the way out, please," he told me with his soft voice and teary eyes.. and then he cried.. he was like a child forfeited of his favorite toy, an infant lost in a vacuum of his weakness.. i knew he wanted someone to talk to.. i knew he wanted a shoulder to cry on.. i knew he wanted to understand and to be understood.. i knew he needed a hero.. and i decided to be that hero.. i tapped him in his shoulder and told him i was listening.. he was seeking for answers to his endless questions.. he was craving for someone who would stay next to him against time, against distance and even against his own fate.. i was afraid i could just stay with him while i was in my dream.. i was afraid i had to leave him.. he was lost indeed.

i stayed with him in that solitary moment.. i wanted time to stop so that i could stay with him a little longer.. we tried to conquer the darkness and escape in that maze.. i tried to help him find his way out.. i wanted to ease his pain and see his bright face even before i leave.. but he was trapped in that maze.. and it seemed that there was no way out.. he couldn't move for he did not know where to go.. he was lost indeed..

until i heard the sound of time calling my name.. it was my alarm clock ringing for already half an hour.. i realized that in any moment i would have to leave him in that maze.. i wanted him to come with me but he couldn't.. i left him alone.. if only i could stay.. if only i could guide him.. he was lost indeed..

deep inside, i knew he was not a stranger.. but never did i know him then.. i finally woke up.. i grabbed my cellphone to check for messages.. then i found the same guy on my wallpaper.. it was exactly him.. i paused for a while, i stared at his image on my phone..

then i realized that the man on my dream was no one but me..

i was lost indeed..

on seduction

true true... :)

the campus library, a nice place for flirting?

the campus library - a place that many of the students do not even know exists; a place where the dragon-like woman growls at the slightest whisper one could make; and most of all, a place i rarely visit...

but who says studying is the only thing possible in the library? well if you're one, then you got to read this...

last friday was one of the hell days that the semester had brought... i had three exams and the fourth draft of my thesis to accomplish... i wasn't prepared for the exams yet and there wasn't even a single revision done to my thesis draft... so many things to do yet so little time to do all of them... not to mention that i was high those days because of less sleep and the abundance of school works i had to do...

i went straight to the library right after i got through my first exam... i took advantage of the silence inside the library to take a review on my notes... but i was not enthusiastic and i really lacked energy to even lift the pages of my book...

malapit ko na nga kantahin ang unwell dahil sa sobrang pag-iinarte dahil sa pagod...

too bad, i really had to study...

so there, i took the tiniest piece of my "estudyante mode" and forced those lessons to enter my brain... well, it took me a while before i jived with the lessons on my economic sociology...

i wasn't really fond of looking at people around me, so i just focused with what i was doing and ignored other students in the place...

when all of a sudden...

i saw this heavenly but equally hot face in my front... just a table away from the couch where i was seated... what the heck... i was destructed... my attention was diverted... shit, all my efforts to study were gone down the drain again... "why now?..why here?," i told myself as i softly whisper...

oh yeah, my entire attention was caught by him... in my mind, i named him heaven..

tangna tol, mag-aral ka!, just another thing i whispered to myself

then i heard a voice on my right ear - it was my angel asking me to leave the place immediately and find one where i can study my lessons well... then came another voice: stay there! just stay! - was it my devil? no, it was me.. hahaha.. there was a glimpse of heaven right in front of me, so why the hell would i leave?

oh yeah, i forgot about the two remaining exams...

i pretended to read my book while gazing at my heaven...

after a while, he caught me staring at him... i panicked... i blushed... i was bothered that he might have thought that i was flirting at him (well, sort of... hahaha)

to my surprise, i saw him smiling at me... whoah, was that real? i checked again and his soft and heavenly smile affirmed its truth... he was indeed smiling at me... i smiled back with a bit of annoyance on my face... i am not really comfortable whenever someone i do not know smiles at me...

i cut my stare and focused on my book... then a moment after, i looked at him again... he smiled again... shit, nothing about my economic sociology entered my brain... because of this hotter-than-hell heaven right in front of me... he was wearing a pink shirt that really matched his white complexion... his braces even added points to his fresh face... i guess he was younger than me.. a sophomore or a junior perhaps...

i made a glimpse on my wrist watch with the hope that the time stopped for that moment so that i would be able to stay longer with heaven... until i realized that it was actually 2:25 in the afternoon - just five minutes left before my next exam... shit, i hadn't been able to review my lessons... super shit, i had to leave my heaven that soon...

i looked at him and posted my last naughty but equally sweet smile... he did the same... too bad i did not have the guts to get to know him... and another bad thing, it was the library and we were not allowed to acquaint with people there... or else, the dragon queen will blow us with fire.. haha

i finally left the library, my heaven's haven... whew, that was the only time when i had fun inside that solemn and equally boring place... for almost four years of college life, that was the first ever time i wished for time to stop so that i could stay longer inside the library...

from then on, i decided that i will keep coming back to the library...

to you, my heaven, i will see you again...

super mario

sana ako na lang si super mario...
para kahit kailan, pwede akong magpalipat-lipat sa iba't-ibang mundo...
sana may mga warp zone na lang sa buhay, para hindi ko na kailangan dumaan sa mga pagsubok..


alam ko na hindi pwedeng habang-buhay akong nasa gitna ng dalawang mundo... oo, hanggang ngayon, hindi ko pa din talaga alam kung saan ako lulugar...

alam kong darating at darating ang panahon na kailangan kong magdesisyon sa kung saan ba talaga ako mas masaya at sa kung saan ko ba talaga mahahanap ang tunay kong kailangan...

at alam ko, na kahit saang mundo ang piliin ko, meron at merong mga pagsubok...

kaya ngayon, hahayaan ko muna ang sarili ko na maging masaya sa paglalakbay sa dalawang mundo...
at hanggat hindi ko pa nahahanap ang lugar ko, mananatili muna akong isang super mario - patuloy na magpapalipat-lipat, habang patuloy na hinahanap ang tunay na sarili...

at hanggat madilim pa ang landas na aking nilalakaran, heto muna ako, sa isang madilim na larawan...

patuloy na hihintayin ang liwanag na gagabay sa tamang daan na dapat kong tahakin, patungo sa tamang lugar kung saan ako magiging masaya... habang-buhay...

the same old story, and the new me

so here i go again... back to that same old realistic [read: negative] views about this thing called love... back to that same old game i used to play when i was a total stranger into my own reality...

and here's the story, my first relationship with someone from the same plane...
and my first breakup... and yes, the demise of this hopeful in me...

after your request, promises and gigantic dreams for the two of us, after that night when you did not sleep just to watch me sleeping, and after that romantic breakfast, i finally gave in... i knew it was a roller coaster ride that awaits the two of us... but i took the risk... and my love for you had started... i gave you myself, and the promise of forever... i was full of hope... and endless smiles was the description of my life back then...

i thought our forever had began and my own happily-ever-after had come into existence... just i thought...

days had passed... sweet messages and romantic thoughts had been exchanged... you held my hand as if there was no tomorrow... you hugged me so tight as if you wouldn't let me go...

until one rainy day...

you sent me a text message... you said you had several issues with your life, with our relationship and with me... to make the long story short, you asked me if we could JUST be friends... you said you just have to fix your personal trouble, WITHOUT ME... you said you can't
hold on anymore... i knew it beforehand... i already figured it out several days before...

so right there and then, i gave up... right there and then, i already got off that same old vehicle we used to board towards eternity... right there and then, i lost sight of our forever... right there and then, i ended my journey with you...

we were done... and i already gave up...

you had me once... and that was more than enough... until another rainy midnight... i received a text message... you said you want me back, you wanted the "us" to be materialized again... but i declined... sorry, but i do not believe in "second once in a lifetime"...

i am not that same old stupid guy anymore... i am not blind not to see how much i sacrificed for you and how much i took my own issues for granted just to settle yours... i have my own stories too, but i set them aside to listen to yours... i have my own life too, but i set it aside to fix yours... i gave you the best that i could...

mahal kita at mamahalin kita hanggat nasa akin ka, pero pag tapos na yon at nawala ka na, tapos na din ang pagmamahal ko sa yo... ganon lang kasimple yon...

and i see no reason why i should still do...

i was once yours... that's it... end of OUR story... no second part, no replay...

it's now time for me to focus on my OWN story...

i grew strong, strong enough not to even bother to text you... i know it's your birthday on sunday, don't worry, as promised, i'll still be the one to greet you first... it's not a big deal at all since i always stay up late... i guess a greeting message will do... no phone call, no... i have some more important things to do than to phone you and discuss about the same old issues again - about the same old sorry and the box office i-promise-to-take-care-of-you-this-time again... not anymore... as i've said, i'm not yours anymore...

i know how to play my game... and ours was OVER... and yes, this guy has his brain stronger than his heart, and his pride stronger than his emotional investments... i know when to hold on and i know when to give up... and i gave up... i don't want to hold on to someone whose promises were not even materialized... and i don't want to look desperately waiting for you... i did, i waited... but i got up from my stupidity... and now i am wide awake...

and no, we're not getting there anymore... we're n0t getting to that eternity that i promised... my hands are not yours anymore...

i am not the one who should feel guilty here... i HAD done my part... i made sure that you had a great time with me... it was you who gave up, it was you who did not take care of our story... and it was you who first took your hand away from mine...

i guess i'm playing this game fairly... and i guess my defenses are still working well... i refuse to shed tears in my pillow... not again...

oh well, i can still be a friend... as i told you before, i was not hurt... yeah, for real... you know how to reach me... i am still using the same old mobile numbers... and still in the same old dormitory... i can still be your occasional smoke and coffee buddy... but i won't be waiting for you anymore... my room is always open for you... but i have already locked the doors of my heart and my mind for you...

oh, i remember i handed you two of my favorite books before you left... don't worry, i won't take them back... they're all yours...

before i forget, i have to say this: THANK YOU... because you taught me to be a good player... because you made me realize that i can never really be that boy with a halo... that i'm still that bad boy whose room is hellish... and that same old snob guy who doesn't care whatsoever... i know, you once brought out the good boy in me, but that good boy has already signed off the very moment we broke up...

i guess all i need for now is someone who will lead me back to that same old comfort zone where i was before you took me out... and most definitely it's NOT you... not again...

and this is me, back to that same old journey... still the same old bad boy laughing devilishly...
after all, i guess i've done well with you... i loved you ONCE...
and now it's time for me to love myself... and go back to that same old game i used to play...
i was left alone, but i still have my life... and that's more than enough... i can start from there...

goodbye for now, goodbye forever


=)
and i am now smiling... i guess i'm on my way to unleashing this bad-boy-to-the-next-level in me

and a lot of questions

1. What was the last message in your inbox ? a sweet note from someone...

2. Who is your best friend ? someone i made a post in this blog

3. What schools are you attending right now? UP

4. Do you have a pet ? yep yep, a dog

5. What song are you listening to now ? lost in space

6. Did you kiss anybody in the past 2 days ? Yippie :)

7. Have you ever kissed someone you met in the blogosphere? Nope, haven't met one...

8. Would you be happy if you had everything ? so so

9. Are you always thinking of someone special? yep yep yep... and i'm tired of doing so... :) but i just can't stop...

10. Tell us of your most desperate dream? refer to this post: salamat sa ulan

11. If you had a crush, would you tell that you love him/her now ? Nope, hindi ko yata kaya :)

12. If you could be anywhere in the world now, where would you want to be ? north pole

13. When was your heart last broken? woosh....

14. How many email accounts do you have? 4...

15. What do you wear when you sleep? none... bare naked :)

16. What is your current status? single, available and free... ;) hahaha naughty
17. Are you currently in a relationship? nope...

18. Have you ever been given a rose? yep.. four blue roses (bakit four? ewan ko din)

19. What is your all-time favorite love story movie? i don't like love stories

20. Are you in love ryt now? i don't know... hahaha

21. Do you believe that everyone has a soulmate? soulmate? duh... there's no scientific basis for me to believe in such... :)

22. What's your current problem? refer to #20... :)

23. Have you ever seen a friend as more than a friend? hahaha... refer to this post again: salamat sa ulan

24. Do you want to spend your life with the person you're with right now? refer to #2o again...:)

25. How many kids do you want to have? 3 (sana)

26. What is/are your favorite color/s? black, white, blue, pink

27. Do u believe in love at first sight? nope, it's purely infatuation at first sight... :)

28. What were you doing at 8 this morning? sleeping..

29. What were you doing 30 minutes ago? reading blogs

30. How many different things did you drink today? 3... water, lemonade, cereal drink

31. What was the last thing someone bought for you? gummy worms... yum yum

32. What was the last gift you received for your birthday? pillow from my best friend...

33. What color is your mouse right now? red

34. What is the best ice-cream flavor? pistachio

35. What is something you are excited about? graduation :) and life after that..

36. What do you spend most of your money on? personal hygiene = 40%, food = 40% savings = 20% (ganyan ko ibudget ang weekly allowance ko)

37. If you could change anything about the past two months would you? refer to #9 and #20

38. Do you watch The OC? i did

39. Does your screen name have an 'x' in it? kylexxx? hahaha

40. Are you typically a jealous person? yep yep