“Love”

I did not want to be involved in this thing – or so I thought. This is the single most thing that I am trying very hard to escape from. But I couldn't help myself from falling for it. I am threatened by the fact that I might not be able to get myself out once I get in. But I can't simply stop falling for the ultimate desire that I have been longing for since I had my true self enlightened.

I had it once just to satisfy my cravings. I wanted to have it again, but the angel inside of me said: “dear, not again unless you are sure of it”. I would be the single most dumb man on the planet if I will say that I did not like it. But I still have this anxiety that I might drown into it and never be able to save myself until this thing called “love” has totally taken and eaten my whole being.

I easily fall for someone. I find it so much hard to let go of the person that I “love”. But if it's not mine, then there's nothing I could do but to dream. Dream that one day, there could be “us” and not just “me” alone. But I express my true feelings too rarely that nobody would even notice that there's a soft man drowning in tears inside of me.

And it happened – the ultimate thing that I am afraid of. I fell for you. Until I found myself constantly thinking of you. Until I found you constantly running around my mind – all day, all night, every day and every night.

I went back to where we met. But you were not there. I did that for several times, until I found not even a single sight of you. Then I realized that I got drowned into you, that I got so blind not to see my “heart” bleeding, that I got so stupid not to realize that you were gone and would never be back again – that what we had was not eternal. that it wasn't just the right “love” that is acceptable for this bigoted world. What I had with you was my happiest “forever” so far. I had that “forever” with you in just a glimpse - but that was a memory of a lifetime. And that, for me was the first “forever”, and hopefully not the last I would ever have. Sure enough, I will cherish that “forever” until I wake up from my dreams.

So there it was, the damn I had to face. My first entry to this blog. Ands this, I made to reveal the real me, the “me” that no one had known. Thanks to tristan (tristantales.com), you're such an inspiration.