unwell

12 am...i was about to write a report that would be passed to my practicum adviser the following day...i had typed a few sentences... 1 am...nothing had progressed...i needed another stick of my deadly friend...huli na to, promise...i wanted a cup of coffee, I had one...another hour had passed, nothing happened...until i found myself asking this question: ano ba talaga ang gusto kong mangyari?
it was past 3... i was still awake...sleeping had never came up to my thought...i never noticed that there was only one song playing...unwell by matchbox 20...and I had been repeatedly listening to that song for about 4 hours...what a perfect song for an imperfect moment...
i wasn't sad...i never thought i was...i was supposed to be happy and relieved...happy because i am on my way to reality...happy because sooner or later i will be able to remove my mask...but i can't simply be happy...i never knew why...i had lots of questions...and yet i never had even a single answer...so, am i giving up? am i going back to my cage?
i fell asleep just a few minutes before sunrise...i got up in about an hour...i took a bath, fixed myself and left home...the questions came with me...they never wanted to leave me...at least, they love me :)
i never knew the answers to my questions... and that's what i am trying to figure out now...it's 2 in the afternoon... and yet, nothing has progressed...